There is no correct age, order or method, and you do not owe anyone this information. Coming out is a series of decisions you make individually, not a single event, and you can stop at any point. If you want to talk it through with someone uninvolved in your life first, Switchboard (0800 0119 100) exists specifically for that.
- You can come out to one person and nobody else, indefinitely. That is a complete outcome.
- Start with whoever you expect to react best, not whoever feels most obligated.
- Reactions often change over weeks. A poor first response is not always the final one.
- You can use dating apps without being out — see staying discreet.
As of 13 August 2026, Fab Guys has 129 active profiles in the UK, of which 80 were online in the last few minutes. The median age is 36 and 16% have a verified photo. Messaging is free.
Figures are read directly from the live database at page load and are not rounded up.
Before you tell anyone
- Decide what you want from the conversation. Acknowledgement? Support? Just for them to know? It shapes how you open it.
- Pick the person most likely to take it well. One good experience makes the next easier; a bad first one can stall things for years.
- Choose a private moment with time in it. Not in passing, not before either of you has to leave.
- Have somewhere to go afterwards if it goes badly — a friend, a place, a plan.
- Consider your safety honestly. If you depend on someone for housing or income, that is a legitimate reason to wait until you do not.
What to expect
| Reaction | What it often means |
|---|---|
| Immediate support | Straightforward — and more common than people expect |
| Surprise, then questions | Usually processing, not rejection |
| “I already knew” | Common, occasionally deflating, generally fine |
| Awkward silence | Often needing time; frequently improves |
| Hostility | About them, not you. Give it distance |
People frequently improve over weeks or months. An initial poor reaction is worth treating as a first response rather than a conclusion — while not obliging you to absorb hostility in the meantime.
You do not have to tell everyone
Coming out is not a switch. Plenty of people are out to friends and not family, out socially and not at work, or out in one city and not another. All of those are stable, ordinary positions rather than incomplete ones.
At work
Sexual orientation is a protected characteristic under the Equality Act 2010 — discrimination, harassment and victimisation because of it are unlawful in employment. You are under no obligation to disclose. If you experience discrimination, Acas provides free advice, and many larger employers have confidential LGBT+ networks.
If you are under 18
Everything above applies, with one addition: if home is not safe, talk to someone before you tell anyone there. Switchboard takes calls at any age, and in Scotland LGBT Youth Scotland supports under-26s. Dating platforms in the UK are 18+ only.
If someone else outs you
Being outed without consent is a serious violation and, when done as a threat, may be a criminal matter. Do not pay anyone demanding money to keep quiet — see sextortion: what to do. Galop (0800 999 5428) supports people in exactly this position.
Where to get support
- Switchboard — 0800 0119 100, free, confidential, any reason, any age.
- Galop — 0800 999 5428, for abuse, threats or hate crime.
- Samaritans — 116 123, 24/7, if things feel unbearable.
- Local LGBT+ centres in most large cities, running groups and counselling.
See the full list in LGBT+ support in the UK.
Frequently asked questions
What age should I come out?
There is no right age. Some people come out at 15 and some at 50, and both are ordinary. The useful question is whether it is safe and whether you want to, not how old you are.
Who should I tell first?
Whoever you expect to react best, rather than whoever feels most obligated. A good first experience makes everything after it easier.
Do I have to tell my family?
No. Plenty of people are out to friends and not family, permanently, and that is a stable position rather than an unfinished one.
What if it goes badly?
Reactions frequently improve over weeks or months, so a poor first response is not necessarily final. In the meantime, give it distance and use Switchboard on 0800 0119 100 — that is exactly what it is for.
Can I use dating apps without being out?
Yes, and many people do. Use unique photos, set distance to city-only and access the service through a browser rather than an installed app.
Is it illegal to out someone at work?
Sexual orientation is a protected characteristic under the Equality Act 2010, and harassment or discrimination on that basis is unlawful in employment. Acas gives free advice on what to do.